When Connection Returns, So Does Hope

When Connection Returns, So Does Hope

One of the men we are connected with through our work recently shared a reflection that stayed with us. His name is DeQuan and his words capture something we often talk about at Citizens for Prison Reform but rarely hear expressed so clearly from the inside.

He wrote:

“It has been a long and at times an ugly road. But men like me tend to keep on keeping on. For the most part, I have been doing the time. I have not been letting it do me.”

What he describes is survival with intention.

For him, “doing the time” means staying busy with things that build rather than break. He focuses on reading, learning, growing intellectually, spiritually and physically. He looks for balance and finds things that center him. He explained that idle time is dangerous, especially in prison, and giving in to the negative influences incarceration offers is often the moment someone gives up on themselves.

But as much as discipline and purpose matter, his reflection makes something else very clear. Family connection is essential.

“It is so much easier to do time, especially serious time, when you have family and friends in your corner. Most men just want to know their family is safe and provided for. We just want to know they are okay.”

He went on to describe how incarceration quietly erodes family ties over time.

“It is just that life happens, and when you are incarcerated it is almost like out of sight, out of mind.”

This was not the first time he lost touch with his children. During the first six years of his incarceration, communication disappeared. Eventually he was able to reconnect. But this time was different.

“They moved out of state and left me behind, so to speak. It crippled me for years.”

What followed was not just distance but a profound loss of identity.

“You could not imagine the feelings of incompetence I felt as a man and a father. It got to the point I stopped even considering myself a father or telling people I had children. It damaged me in ways that are hard to repair.”

These are not abstract harms. They are emotional injuries that grow over time. He spoke of fathers who have not communicated with their children in decades, of sons who have not spoken to their parents in decades, and of parents, grandparents, relatives and friends who were alive when he entered prison and gone before he could come home.

“The not knowing is worse than knowing, even if the news is hard.”

This is why the Family Participation Program exists.

At Citizens for Prison Reform, we work to support family connection because we know it stabilizes people on both sides of the walls. Families need connection just as much as the people who are incarcerated. When communication breaks down, isolation grows. When connection is restored, hope follows.

But communication alone is not enough.

As DeQuan shared:

“Love motivates a person to do and be better. Support enables a person to do and be better.”

His words remind us that connection is not only emotional. It is sensory, human and physical. A hug, a familiar face, eye contact and being truly seen are not small things. Policies that limit visits, place people far from home or create barriers to contact do real harm. These realities shape our advocacy, our programs and the changes we seek in the system.

Listening to people who are incarcerated and their families is not secondary to our work. It is the work.

Hearing directly from them helps us set priorities, find gaps and stay grounded in what really matters. Their lived experiences guide the resources we build, the policies we challenge and the reforms we pursue. Their voices fuel the change we are pushing for.

We advocate because we know that family connection makes a difference.

DeQuan shared where his story stands today.

“I just focus on and appreciate the fact that my heart beats differently now. The happiness and joy are back.”

His children are adults now. Their relationships are strong and communication is regular.

“My family is very much back in my life too. I am very close with my grandchildren and although they are young, they know exactly who and what I am. I am Grand Daddy.”

There is pride in his words. There is relief. There is healing.

“I love when my son asks for my advice and when my daughter confides in me and tells me she loves me. It is a great feeling to know they do not blame me and to know they missed me just as much as I missed them.”

He ended with this:

“It is easy to sleep at night knowing organizations exist that actually care about the lost and forgotten.”

We share his words with gratitude and humility.

Because this work is not about saving people.

It is about standing with them.

About making sure families are not forgotten.

About recognizing that connection is not a privilege. It is a lifeline.

And it is always worth protecting.

Tiffany Walker, Family Program Director

Citizen for Prison Reform l Family Participation Program